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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 2:37:06 GMT -5
I have a lump in my throat as I write this. My hamster Freddie died a couple days ago. He was a syrian hamster. He was 3 yrs and 3 months old. That is actually really old for a hamster. He was my little boys best friend, My son has adhd and has a hard time making friends. I told my little boy that Freddie had passed and he just started sobbing. I have never seen my little boy in that much distress. I held him and kissed him as he cried. Freddie was the calmest,most loving little hamster in the world. He never bit ,and you could literally pack him around in your pocket. He would even come when you called him. My son is pretty much devastated right now. I caringly wrapped Freddie in my yellow bandana and buried him in our backyard while my son was at school. I hate seeing my son under so much stress and grief. I dont know how well his little heart can take it. Please guys I need all the support I can get to help my baby boy through this. It stresses me out to see him having such trouble with this.
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Post by katt on Apr 1, 2011 4:07:21 GMT -5
Aw no I am so sorry! *hugs to you and your little boy* How old is he? I recently lost my hamster as well. Freddie sounds like he was a special little guy. Perhaps sit down with your son and explain to him very thoroughly about life and death and that Freddie has gone on to a better place. Also, give him a journal to write in. I know I *hates* "journal writing" as a kid, but I LOVED writing poems and stories and when I was very upset it really helped me. Maybe get him a nice little journal and tell him it is his secret thoughts journal and that sometimes it helps to just write all of the bad feelings down and get it all out. His journal will keep his secrets. I know what it is like as a kid to lose. Also, I would let him know that it is okay to grieve and be sad, and that you are there for him of course. And that when he is ready, when he feels that it is time to move on, then you can take him to pick out a new little friend. It may not make him feel much better now, but when he is ready for it... I just know how important it is to have that special someone to tell all of your secrets to, whether that someone be human, scaled, small and furry, big and furry....whatever the shape. Hugs to your boy (and you!) and tell him to keep his chin up! I will be thinking of him! I wish I could wrap him up in my arms... *maternal instincts kicking in*
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 7:27:59 GMT -5
Hey Katt. Thanks for the advice. My little boy loved the idea about his own special journal. I asked him if he thought he would like his own secret feelings keeper and he said yes. He specifically said "make it a green notebook momma." I will go shopping later and get him a lime green notebook and his very own pen and pencils to write in it with. Green is his favorite color. He is 6 years old and as smart as a tack. He will be a second grader in 4 months. He is the youngest first grader in the whole school. He is reading and doing reading work at a fourth grade level and math at a second grade level. Like I said before he has adhd. That is what his doctor diagnosed him with anyway. Yes he is hyper but what normal 6 year old isnt? I truthfully think that he is just bored with alot of the things that the normal class is doing and just starts getting figety. He is apparently capable of paying attention because how else can he be learning at a fourth grade level,and be a first grader? The teachers that he has had for the last two years are stumped as to why he can be"in his own little world" and still get all the answers correct on his tests they give each week. My opinion is that he is super intelligent and they dont know how to handle it. Anyways,enough bragging for the moment. My little boy is just a sensitive little guy. He takes everything to heart. I have explained death to him and about heaven and the rainbow bridge. He just doesnt like the fact that things dont come back to be with him on earth. Freddie was his best friend. We actually had to hand feed him when we first got him. He was almost furless and wasnt quite weaned yet. It was instant love. I really hope that the journal helps my son,as I believe it will. We have already set a date for the new friend . It will be on the 18th of April. My husband said he will drive to all the places around in a 100 mile radius until my little boy chooses the right one for him. Whew, I guess I better pack us a lunch for that day. LOL . Thanks again Katt for all your advice. I will definently never forget your words of wisdom. I also have a 4 year old that I feel will go through the same thing. Also thanks for the cyber hugs, they really cheered me up.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 7:41:33 GMT -5
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Post by shilohismygirl on Apr 1, 2011 7:49:48 GMT -5
I am so sorry, to you and your little boy! Pets hold very special places in our hearts-and never gets easier, but it is much harder to deal with it when you are young and your best friend in the whole world passes. He sounded like a very special little hampster indeed, and I am so sorry that you guys lost him. I think Katt's journol idea is a great one; and as you've been there for your son very lovingly, those are probably the best ideas for helping you both deal with your greif.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 8:09:36 GMT -5
Thanks shilohismygirl. Your kind words mean alot to me.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 8:25:15 GMT -5
I am so sorry for you and your sons loss. My youngest sister went through something similar not long ago. She was about 9 when her pet rat of nearly 6 years died. They spend every day together. The rat Sniffles, would sit on her shoulder while she brushed her teeth for school, and wait there while she sat and waited on the porch for the bus in the morning. When Sniffles passed, it was a hard hit on her, because they had formed a strong bond. Having another furry friend really helped her to work past the loss. I'll be keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. I think the journal is a wonderful idea - and can even be a great bonding experience. He might want you to read his journal and share his feelings with you.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 8:48:45 GMT -5
I am so sorry about Freddie, and best wishes to your son & yourself.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 10:41:59 GMT -5
Thank you all for the kind words. They help tremendously. I feel that this will probably be an uphill battle but at least my son and I have kind words and ideas to start the road to recovery. I went and got my son a journal that is bright green and green pens and green pencils. I think he will love them.
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Post by shilohismygirl on Apr 1, 2011 11:40:36 GMT -5
Oh, I bet he will love them! He sounds super smart, and I think it really does hit really smart sensitive people hard (death, I mean). I am a very sensitive person; I prefer the term tender hearted. Being tender hearted is very tough sometimes, but it also means that we really try to automatically think the best of everyone until proven differently, and strive to know how to treat other people and other living things with the utmost respect. So, although he is sad, he will eventually understand that sometimes our dearest of friends have to leave to be in a better place; the rainbow bridge is the nicest, coolest place in the world for all animals. When you're sensitive, you feel more deeply saddened by things-but you are far more overjoyed by even the littlest of good things. I suspect that most people that keep ferrets are sensitive folk.
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Post by katt on Apr 1, 2011 14:23:59 GMT -5
Hey Katt. Thanks for the advice. My little boy loved the idea about his own special journal. I asked him if he thought he would like his own secret feelings keeper and he said yes. He specifically said "make it a green notebook momma." I will go shopping later and get him a lime green notebook and his very own pen and pencils to write in it with. Green is his favorite color. He is 6 years old and as smart as a tack. He will be a second grader in 4 months. He is the youngest first grader in the whole school. He is reading and doing reading work at a fourth grade level and math at a second grade level. Like I said before he has adhd. That is what his doctor diagnosed him with anyway. Yes he is hyper but what normal 6 year old isnt? I truthfully think that he is just bored with alot of the things that the normal class is doing and just starts getting figety. He is apparently capable of paying attention because how else can he be learning at a fourth grade level,and be a first grader? The teachers that he has had for the last two years are stumped as to why he can be"in his own little world" and still get all the answers correct on his tests they give each week. My opinion is that he is super intelligent and they dont know how to handle it. Anyways,enough bragging for the moment. My little boy is just a sensitive little guy. He takes everything to heart. I have explained death to him and about heaven and the rainbow bridge. He just doesnt like the fact that things dont come back to be with him on earth. Freddie was his best friend. We actually had to hand feed him when we first got him. He was almost furless and wasnt quite weaned yet. It was instant love. I really hope that the journal helps my son,as I believe it will. We have already set a date for the new friend . It will be on the 18th of April. My husband said he will drive to all the places around in a 100 mile radius until my little boy chooses the right one for him. Whew, I guess I better pack us a lunch for that day. LOL . Thanks again Katt for all your advice. I will definently never forget your words of wisdom. I also have a 4 year old that I feel will go through the same thing. Also thanks for the cyber hugs, they really cheered me up. Oh I am so glad he liked the journal idea. I really think it will help him. I have been EXACTLY where your little boy is, so I have an idea of what he is going through. I was also very far ahead of my classmates, and was too shy to really talk to anyone. Animals were my friends. when my goldfish Spike died I bawled my eyes out. And I will Never forget the pain I felt when we had to move and could not take our beloved Sheltie with us. I grew up with that dog, it was the same as her dying. I remember watching the guy take her away and just being filled with so much anger and jealousy towards him. So I really feel for your little boy. As for the ADHD, that is a diagnosis that is WAY overused in my very strong opinion. KIDS just have energy and have a hard time focusing, especially boys! It's just how little boys are. Yes, many have ADHD but from the sound of it I have to agree with you. Your son is just bored in classes. Both Shane and myself were the same way in school. I NEVER listened. I would hide books under my desk and read all through class. Shane would do all sorts of crazy-boy antics. Neither of us paid a lick of attention in class. Both of us did extremely well in school and were far ahead of our peers. School was boring beyond belief. I NEVER paid attention. I would recommend looking into some advanced classes, and programs such as TAG (Talented and Gifted) or whatever it is called in your area. Those programs are very good about getting kids involved in learning. The whole approach to teaching is different. The kids are given more responsibility, and learning is done through various creative projects and field trips. It certainly would not hurt to skip him ahead a grade either. Perhaps he would feel more able to socialize with other kids who are at his mental level? On the other hand, he might feel even more insecure in a group of older kids. On the other other had, it might boost his confidence knowing Hey - I am the youngest kid in here I am d*** smart! ;D Also, even if he does have ADHD here is something to consider - a large majority of people with mental disorders such as ADD, ADHD, and OCD actually have extremely high IQ's. The problem is the anxiety and lack of social skills that often results makes the IQ seem to "disappear" at times. It's easy to think a kid acting out and not paying attention and goofing off is mentally handicapped, needs to be in a special ed class to get them to pay attention and to "keep them in line" (this makes me sick), etc etc. When in all reality, just as you said - these kids are simply bored out of their fricking minds! To kids with a high IQ and/or the disorders I noted normal teaching/talking/learning is like watching a snail move in slow-mo. It is mind numbingly boring. Add to that, it is sad but 99.999999% of teachers and other professionals simply do NOT know how to deal with these kids. So instead of directing their energy into positive things, they discipline, yell, put the kid in special ed, say he is a bad kid, or just don't handle the situation properly in other ways. This in turn has a Bad influence on how the kid develops. They are told they are bad kids...so they think hey are bad kids. They become guilty-feeling and anxious, and think well I am a bad kind. And become bad kids. It is very very sad. I myself have OCD, and one of my little sisters has ADD and Oppositional Disorder, and some other mental issues. I know both personally what it is like to grow up with no one understanding you and that your mind is wired differently, and I have seen what happens when a "bad" kid gets treated like people think they are a "bad kind." My sister has some serious issues. A Lot of them stem from people not knowing how to react or deal with her. Now I am afraid she might be beyond help. :/ ADHD or not, your boy is a SMART little kid. His brain is wired quite differently than the average person. He sounds like an incredibly special little boy. He just needs people to understand how his brain works and work with him in a way that will keep him involved and active and not critical and slow and boring. Sadly, our educational system is very...F****ed up (to put it nicely) and most teachers are cut-and-paste, follow the lesson plan, not really into the kids....
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Post by katt on Apr 1, 2011 14:25:04 GMT -5
He is adorable btw. That second picture is priceless.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 23:46:33 GMT -5
Thanks Katt. You seem to truly understand alot of his situations. Im sorry to hear about your sis. Give her hugs from me. Heck I wish you lived closer. It would be awesome to hang out. I showed my little boy your avatar pic and he read your name and said "Momma, she spelled it wrong". I couldn't help but laugh. You are completly right about the school systems. They are pretty messed up. The teachers are constantly getting onto my son for letting his mind wander. They have him sitting at the front of class in a desk all by his little self. He hates sitting there. He is embarrassed to ask or answer questions because everyone is watching him. I told his teachers that he hates sitting there and her response was so stupid. She said that she asked the other teachers how to deal with it and thats what they and the principal said to do. That crap makes me so mad. What about what my son needs? Anyways...... My little boy loves his journal already soooo much. I was sitting in my computer chair and he jumped into my lap to give me a thank you hug. I thought we had tipped that thing. OMG After the shock went away I laughed so hard that I almost cried. Now my son mimics my feet flying in the air. Ohh that kid. My 4 year old ran up to me and asked if he could try it. Ummm no. thanks for the compliment of him being adorable. I told him you said so and he blushed. It was cute.
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Post by Heather on Apr 2, 2011 0:21:47 GMT -5
I'm sorry about your son's furfriend. For our special kids these little furs are very special indeed. I agree with Katt, this term ADHD, this label is used much too often. If children don't fit into a certain criteria they receive a "label" which marks them for the rest of their school life. It's marked in their files, so every teacher has a preconceived notion as to what their student is going to behave like, so they treat them according to this "label", not according to the individual. Refusing to acknowledge that change does occur, and often rather than fight the label the child just behaves as is expected. Tell your boy to be strong and make use of his special journal. My son also wore a label, so I do understand and sympathize. My son could not sit still, could not focus (still has problems with both these things) could not fit and conform to what was expected in a normal classroom. Those are beautiful pics. It reminds me of some that I got of my boy. My son told all his problems to his little furfriends. Complained to them when his mean momma made him sit at the table and do his schoolwork or practice his guitar or work through his katas. His furfriends allowed him to express his frustrations in a system that demands conformity and cares little for individualism. Tell him his little furry friend will always be with him, locked away in that special place in his heart. Good luck ciao
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Post by Sherry on Apr 2, 2011 13:59:07 GMT -5
I am so sorry about the loss of his and your little fur friend. It's always hard. And your son DOES sound gifted, not ADHD. I'd start checking into some of the special classes for him. If they can keep him from being bored, he'll go far
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