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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2011 1:51:07 GMT -5
William, Brought to GCFA on 9/22/2011 had came in with two other cagemates. he had been brought in with adrenal, mast cell tumors and a cigarette burn on his shoulder. He was almost healthy and very active. Last weekend i had taken him out as with all the new ferrets at the shelter, and cuddled him. he gave me kisses and rubbed his face on my shoulder. so i kept going back to his cage and cuddling with him. he was 4+ years old. This saturday ( yesterday as of 1hour and 38 minutes ago) at about 12:30 i came into the shelter and started my routine determined to get something done other then cuddling with William. i went to his cage to say hi and he was laying up against the bars of the cage. i opened it up and saw something was wrong. He was purple and the bars imprinted on his back. i picked him up and he was limp and cold. i held him crying as he took 1 breath. every minute. eventually after i held him long enough he started to warm up and his breathing was faster, his heartbeat was detectable by hand instead of stethoscope. he was warming up but was still purple. My mom said he only started to come back because of the way i was holding him, "kangaroo care". we rushed him to the vet as soon as he started showing signs of life. although he was not concious. we rubbed honey on his gums hoping it was only a glucose being low. but it was not. half way to the vet he had foam blowing out of his nose every other time he took a breath. still only at 10 breaths per minute. i could not control myself and had to have my mom drive me to the vet from the shelter. when we got there they took about 30 seconds to look at him and immediatly gassed him so he no longer suffered. and all i could think of, is why couldn't they even TRY to save him? to much fluid in the lungs. to much. he had pneumonia. he was purple and in a coma. The only thing i can think of now is Why didn't he make it? and my conclusion to the whole story is, Dieing tastes like honey. i am not harsh, that is all i can think about now. we miss you polar bear!!! here is his painting. i made. his last moments in his little green blanket and his cage card tacked on.  |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2011 7:23:14 GMT -5
so sorry for your loss
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Post by Heather on Oct 2, 2011 10:43:46 GMT -5
I'm so sorry that you had to feel this loss in this way. Pneumonia is a silent killer and often by the time someone notices it's too late, especially in a shelter situation. Remember, the wee ones hide their sickness and injuries. You did for him what you could. He knew love and a gentle touch. There was possibly nothing they could have done for him. The amount of care required, the cost and the chance of a good outcome were slim after all he is a shelter ferret  . I will light a candle for "your" Polar Bear because that is who he became when you stepped up to the plate and loved him in his last moments. Your gentle touch, your tears, your caring in those last few moments. You calling him back making him breathe and letting him know that someone....you...cared. He earned his heartkey tonight. You gave him that gift. Thank you. Goodbye, sweet Polar Bear....gentle journey, you were loved and you will be missed ciao |
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Post by Sherry on Oct 2, 2011 10:52:28 GMT -5
I am so very sorry little Polarbear didn't make it. But Heather is right! You allowed him to feel safe and loved in his last moments. That is a very special gift you gave him. Thank you for that.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2011 11:08:16 GMT -5
I did what i could:( i kept my hand on his chest, and counted his breaths until we got to the vet. they said it was to late:( i held him for an hour and he started to warm and that is when we took him. he was already purple when we found him and they thought he was going to die so they just let me hold him until he passed. but he didn't so we took him when we felt his little heart speeding up. poor thing:( i miss him. if he had lived through all that, my mother even said that she would overdraft her bank account so that she could buy an extra cage so we could take him home. to much suffering:(
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Post by Sherry on Oct 2, 2011 13:03:05 GMT -5
That was wonderful of your mom as well! But sometimes, the kindest thing that we can do is to let them go  |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2011 13:07:23 GMT -5
I know, i just wish i had gotten to the shelter earlier. maybe he would not have been so far gone:( we were 2 hours late ;( |
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Post by Heather on Oct 2, 2011 15:00:58 GMT -5
You cannot play "what if" with these little guys. If you do you will destroy all the pleasure you derive from them. I know that it's a bit of advice that is very difficult to do. Perhaps, it was to be that you were to be late....perhaps you were destined to make the decisions you did. Each part of our life is all part of our learning process. Life is not meant to be lived by what if's. Life is to live and learn from the decisions and processes that happen. Perhaps if you had arrived earlier, he would have been handed off to someone else, someone with more experience, someone who wouldn't have loved him and cried for him. Perhaps, if you had arrived earlier, he would have got to the vets earlier, been left in the care of the vets and died alone in some cage.
No "perhaps'" doesn't exist. They are demons of the mind that corrupt the pleasure and the pain that we feel in the moment. You gave yourself to him, you saved him from the despair of dying alone, in a cage either in the shelter or at the vets. You gave him his heartkey and his wings to fly.
ciao
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2011 15:37:28 GMT -5
Thanks. i really do apriciate it.
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Post by shilohismygirl on Oct 2, 2011 16:10:34 GMT -5
I am sooo sorry for your loss. It is never easy to have to let go, but know you did him the ultimate kindness. You were a great mommy to him, even after all of his tribulations. getting burned with a cigarette? i could never imagine!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2011 17:46:23 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2011 18:34:59 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss, at least you were there to let him know he was loved in his last moments.
~Kelli
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2011 10:08:03 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You tried to do the best you could. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2011 10:36:42 GMT -5
I am sorry; DIP, Polar. A candle & a prayer...
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