It's Been One Year

[Celene]

A year ago I lost my best friend, my baby, my little Truffles. She had just turned 5. One day she was bright and happy and bouncing and dooking, and the next she woke up and was lethargic and incontinent and barely moving. We rushed her to the vet who thought she likely had insulinoma, since she walked around a tiny bit after he gave dextrose (or whatever is the "right" type of sugar). He also gave her sub-q fluids and sent us on our way and told me to monitor her.

All day I stayed home from work and kept her on my lap. I made her a soupie and woke her up and fed her a little every 45 minutes or so and made sure she took some water, both out of a plastic syringe. Around the time my husband got home she was getting much worse so he took her back to the vet who did an xray. It turned out her liver (tumour) was so huge that is was crushing all her other organs. I couldn't believe it! He told my husband that she would almost certainly not make it through surgery and that even if she did she wouldn't have much longer anyway. He called me and explained everything and I was just so numb and in shock I told him to help her over the bridge and let her find peace. I had the opportunity to taxi down there and say goodbye, but I was in shock, and a coward, and I knew if wouldn't help anyway so I stayed home.

The next two weeks I didn't cry once. I wasn't sad, I didn't feel anything. My husband though was constantly in tears and I felt so guilty that her death wasn't affecting me one bit. Then one it just hit me and I was the saddest, most miserable, most heartbroken I had ever been in my life. The next months were the worst and I cried for hours every single day. Near the end of May for some reason I decided to go on craigslist and search ferrets. I knew it was way too soon, and I knew it wouldn't be fair because I couldn't never love another ferret as much as I loved Truffy.

Then I saw Mocha and Nova. They had been kept in a small cage with two other ferrets and lever let out. The lady was giving them away for free. I knew it was too soon, but I couldn't imagine where they might end up since she wasn't asking for any "adoption" or "rehoming" fee. She didn't even ask me any questions about where/how I lived, or if I had ever even met a ferret! We brought them home. It was one of the best decisions I ever made, and they really helped heal our souls.

I miss Truffles SO much, and I still can't think of her without bawling my eyes out. She was so incredibly magical and special. In total, she has had over 288,000 views on youtube. Some random person out there even made a gif out of her that went viral and has over 600 PAGES of results on google. 

The original video: (has almost 180,000 views alone)

I really helps knowing that her spirit still lives on and makes hundreds of thousands of people smile, but more importantly, she was my baby and she made ME smile. Every single day.

[Celene]

I'd also like to share an excerpt of a letter my husband wrote to Truffles in the days after her passing. The entire letter is 5 pages of tiny text, but this is near the end and really exemplifies what an amazing spirit she was.

But I think our greatest, most intense moment and the most important lesson you ever taught me occurred on January 20th, 2014, the day you left this world forever. I'm not talking about holding your slack body and looking into your eyes on the cab ride to the clinic. Or about saying goodbye to you, holding and stroking you lovingly with tears running down my face, telling you how much Celene and I both loved you and always would as I kissed your face in the minutes before Dr. Ubi gave you the injections. I'm not even talking about how I held you as you passed, so that you would know all the way to the end that you were loved, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and almost couldn't.

You know that I'm referring to that morning, when we realized something was terribly wrong. Celene had to get dressed to take you to see Dr. Ubi and gave you to me to hold while she did so. Your body was limp and your breathing shallow and laboured. You looked at me through your bandit mask, your eyes tired. And then it happened. You convulsed in a seizure. I remember wailing in terror and anguish, sputtering out, "No! Truffles!" You looked up at me as I held you and sobbed, then turned your head to my wrist and kissed it. You couldn't speak, but I heard your message loud and clear: "Don't be sad. I love you." In that moment, Truffles, our single most important moment together, you taught me the most important lesson you ever did: You taught me exactly what it truly meant to love absolutely, without condition or selfishness. For that, dear Truffles, I shall not only always be grateful, but remember you and your life, as well.

[mjbez]

Truffles sounds like a truly special ferret, and so very loved.

The ending to your husbands tribute to her was beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes.

[Celene]

Actually there were about 4-5 more paragraphs after that. But a lot of it is either really personal or contextual or simply too sad to post.

He's very articulate though. He was going to university to be a journalist before he realized the industry was basically dead and dropped out.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry for Truffles, she was a special little girl... Reading this made me cry like a baby... and brought back some memories that I know they will never feel less painful, no matter how much time will pass by...

[Deleted]

Your tribute was so lovely and brought tears to my eyes. My heart goes out to you and your husband.

I believe that Truffles is happy and watching over you. I also like to believe that Truffles found a way to send you your Mocha and Nova. She knew they needed you and that you needed them.

The grief never really goes away but with time, it seems like we remember them with smiles more than tears.

DIP sweet Truffles, your Mom and Dad Loved you and you will always be in their Hearts.

[Celene]

Thank you so much. I know everyone goes through this but it doesn't make it any easier.

@poncesmom, my husband always disagreed/resented being called "Dad". He said Truffles saw him as an "honorary ferret" or "big ferret" because he never disciplined her (that was my job) and he often helped her be naughty and was complicit in her schemes. I was (and still am to Mo and No) the "ferret mommy".

Truffles truly had my husband wrapped around her little paw. She was very good at training him too - every time he was cleaning her litter boxes she'd come and lick his ankles while he did it. Never any other time though. He always wanted to be the one to clean the litter boxes so he'd get the kisses.

[Deleted]

Jan 24, 2015 14:09:00 GMT -5 Celene said:

Thank you so much. I know everyone goes through this but it doesn't make it any easier.

@poncesmom, my husband always disagreed/resented being called "Dad". He said Truffles saw him as an "honorary ferret" or "big ferret" because he never disciplined her (that was my job) and he often helped her be naughty and was complicit in her schemes. I was (and still am to Mo and No) the "ferret mommy".

Truffles truly had my husband wrapped around her little paw. She was very good at training him too - every time he was cleaning her litter boxes she'd come and lick his ankles while he did it. Never any other time though. He always wanted to be the one to clean the litter boxes so he'd get the kisses.

That's so sweet. I will revise my little prayer to Truffles.
DIP Truffles, your Mo (ferrret mommy) and your big ferret will always love you and keep you in their hearts.

Knowing that everyone goes thru this, doesn't make it any easier. It's been almost two years since I lost my Ponce. I'm still unable to write his tribute.