Post by xeopse on Apr 4, 2011 17:24:30 GMT -5
I totally agree miamiferret - the worst part was that she was NOT ready to go. She was SUCH a fighter, she ate so well and her other systems were otherwise working as well as they could. But if she can't breathe...and her abdomen was getting bigger and bigger, and she was somehow wasting despite how much she ate. Everything I read sounds like juvenile lymphoma to a T - it was actually quite scary. One paper I read said that these little babes don't make it much past two weeks if they last that long at all - I couldn't believe it. Her coat was great, her disposition great, her will to live was so strong... I still can't believe I did it. I almost wish that I hadn't. That maybe I could have found something that would help, where she could get better. But I know that isn't the case =/ That is the only way I'm able to deal with myself right now. I still can't believe that it happened. It is not the same in this house, not one bit. I absolutely hate this, I feel like I failed because I don't know how this happened or what causes it or what could have prevented it or what could have made it better if that was even possible.
Someone said the other day "Well, that's nature" and cast my grief to the wayside as over reactive. But it ISN'T natural - I just took her life when she wasn't ready otherwise she would have passed to the bridge herself. I know I spared her inevitable pain and suffering, which I don't think I would have been able to handle either but still... I am having such a hard time with all these answers I need answered. I considered having Lulabelle necropsied but I couldn't do it - even the thought of it made me feel ill having her cut up. In class and at work I am always the first one to watch and ask a million questions to see how things work and what the cause of death was or what the issue is. I was curious of Lulabelle's issues, but I couldn't go further than that.I talked to my teacher about it and she shook her said sadly and said she knew exactly what I meant (she is an older woman, no doubt she has gone through much pet loss) where she wished she knew what went wrong with her own babies but couldn't bring herself to do the necropsy. It's different when it's your own, you know? *sigh* My little Lulabelle. Miss you so much, baby.
For anyone interested, this is my facebook. This has a lot of pictures and videos of the ferrets. I just changed my profile picture to one of my favorite pictures of Lulabelle. We visited Kevin at his work one day back in November after her first set of x-rays. Kevin insisted on bringing her into his work (a car dealership) so as you can imagine we got some looks but everyone was pretty cool with it. Lulabelle must have thought it was a long day because while holding her she started snoozing in the top part of my sweater, cuddling inside by my shoulder. Then while I was talking I felt her squirming around, and I looked down and she had started crawling down my sleeve! She had already gotten most of the way in, so I couldn't pull her back out but i figured she would crawl otu the bottom where my hand was so it wasn't a big deal... except she decided that was a GREAT place to sleep - just out of reach where I could grab her and pull her out. She was so peaceful and obviously tired, so I left her there. I continued on my conversation and people thought I was nuts, Kevin thought it was hilarious so he took a picture. I ended up gently pulling my arm out without disturbing her too much, I wrapped her in my sweater and let her make a bed out of it in her crate LOL. Hope everyone enjoys it. Feel free to add, it's a networking profile, not a public one so there's nothing crazy on it besides some pictures of the animals. www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=556&id=100001941541364&l=9eaa892fdb
Someone said the other day "Well, that's nature" and cast my grief to the wayside as over reactive. But it ISN'T natural - I just took her life when she wasn't ready otherwise she would have passed to the bridge herself. I know I spared her inevitable pain and suffering, which I don't think I would have been able to handle either but still... I am having such a hard time with all these answers I need answered. I considered having Lulabelle necropsied but I couldn't do it - even the thought of it made me feel ill having her cut up. In class and at work I am always the first one to watch and ask a million questions to see how things work and what the cause of death was or what the issue is. I was curious of Lulabelle's issues, but I couldn't go further than that.I talked to my teacher about it and she shook her said sadly and said she knew exactly what I meant (she is an older woman, no doubt she has gone through much pet loss) where she wished she knew what went wrong with her own babies but couldn't bring herself to do the necropsy. It's different when it's your own, you know? *sigh* My little Lulabelle. Miss you so much, baby.
For anyone interested, this is my facebook. This has a lot of pictures and videos of the ferrets. I just changed my profile picture to one of my favorite pictures of Lulabelle. We visited Kevin at his work one day back in November after her first set of x-rays. Kevin insisted on bringing her into his work (a car dealership) so as you can imagine we got some looks but everyone was pretty cool with it. Lulabelle must have thought it was a long day because while holding her she started snoozing in the top part of my sweater, cuddling inside by my shoulder. Then while I was talking I felt her squirming around, and I looked down and she had started crawling down my sleeve! She had already gotten most of the way in, so I couldn't pull her back out but i figured she would crawl otu the bottom where my hand was so it wasn't a big deal... except she decided that was a GREAT place to sleep - just out of reach where I could grab her and pull her out. She was so peaceful and obviously tired, so I left her there. I continued on my conversation and people thought I was nuts, Kevin thought it was hilarious so he took a picture. I ended up gently pulling my arm out without disturbing her too much, I wrapped her in my sweater and let her make a bed out of it in her crate LOL. Hope everyone enjoys it. Feel free to add, it's a networking profile, not a public one so there's nothing crazy on it besides some pictures of the animals. www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=556&id=100001941541364&l=9eaa892fdb